before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
