in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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