i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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