i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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