if you like me you must not know who I am
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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