Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
