Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
