she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And then he peed in my hair
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