My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
