I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
