hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
