im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
