I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
