is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
