Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
