i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
