She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
