I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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