new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
