They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
