OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
