Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm always down for nudity.
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