and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
