but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All the doctor said was why
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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