Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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