I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
