He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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