I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
