i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
