Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
