it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
