WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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