Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Girls should come with a carfax report
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
