i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
