Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
