I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
