Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
