I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We have started to decorate penises.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
