I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
