You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
