my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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