every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
