I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
