how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
