Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
