i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
