I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
