I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
