oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
