So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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