he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
