dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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